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THE PARADOX OF SELF-DETERMINATION- A POEM BY AYEESHA MOMOH

I am the captain of my soul

Or so the poem goes, and so I thought

I am feisty and independent with a need to control my circumstances so this appealed to my innate self-sufficiency and reinforced my desire for self-determination and I got by ok;

Seemingly charting my course, mastering my fate and captaining my soul…


And then I encountered the One who created me for His pleasure and He asked- will you choose your path? 

Will you make a choice based on ease rather than the prospect of a great adventure with me?


I pondered the question and ‘righteously’ chose the adventure… Until the adventure began. And then I realised it upended my plans; usurped my fate mastery and soul captaincy

And so I wrestled and sought to wrangle control back. All to no avail.

 

Finally I realised, I was never in the driver’s seat; time and chance happen to us all; His will, will be done because His will is what counts.
He promises that this will is good, perfect and pleasing and urges me to relax and let it be.


I’m slowly realising I don’t have a choice in the matter so I am learning to rest from my wrestling, seek respite in His promise and trust that God is faithful, who also will do it. Whatever ‘it’ is.


I am not the master of my fate or the captain of my soul! I yield that control and submit to the only One who is sovereign enough to occupy that space.

“…So after you have suffered a little while, thisGod of all grace, who in His generosity has great plans for us in Christ will Himself restore, support, strengthen and place you on a firm foundation. He gets the last word; yes, He does!” 1 Peter 5:10

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