Iesha is my beautiful little sister, she’s intelligent, charismatic, kind, a lover of God and a very high achiever; got fantastic grades in University and the Law School, went for a Masters in Aberdeen, and was so good, that she was one of only 3 people selected for a University sponsored PhD scholarship! As a sister, I always tell her, that if I had spelt out everything I needed in a sister and told God to create one for me, I could not have asked for someone as perfect and complimentary as Iesha! Complimentary in every sense, including being strong where I am weak, which means a lot of the time she’s calling me up higher and we seem to be at odds, but I always come out richer and better for taking her advise.
Anyhow, Iesha is just past 30 and single. She shared a perspective on the journey of “singleness” on her Facebook page recently and I wanted to bring the conversation here because it seems that every where in the world, the pressure is more on the woman, our so-called clocks are ticking and when you get to a certain age, you start to get a certain reaction to your “single” status. It is that reaction that Iesha addresses below. Read her thoughts and share yours with us!
Single yet Complete by Iesha Momoh
Moment of truth: I’m typically bold and unapologetic about my beliefs and what I share on this page (referring to her Facebook page); because even if it’s not an issue that pertains to me, I know from testimonials that such posts help others who happen to stumble upon stuff I ‘like’ or share.
So when I read this article (particularly the excerpts below) I thought they contained a profound truth that some people might be missing/needing to hear but then I hesitated and wondered if by sharing it, people would assume that it was my story or that I was tacitly agreeing with the sentiments expressed.
Singleness is one of those peculiar issues that tons of people outside it find very awkward and try to circumnavigate often with well-meaning but unhelpful platitudes. They either feel bad for you, try to fix you up or try to diagnose and solve your ‘pickiness’ etc. One thing that’s usually missing is an affirmation of the single persons resolve to wait patiently for God; to not settle or jump into a relationship simply to alleviate loneliness; of God’s sovereignty in the matter and the need to find peace in the knowledge that He has a good and loving plan that trumps ours.
With regard to the article, good sense has prevailed and I’m sharing it cos the truth therein resonates with me and can bring comfort and encouragement to anyone who struggles with being single. Singleness can be hard but unlike the inquirer, I don’t hate it; I love my life and won’t change anything about it ( besides wishing I’d started Facebook and become a billionaire at 27, ha ha ha). It can be lonely but I know I’m not alone.The tough times have helped build my character, driven me closer to and deepened my dependence on God; lessons which we all need to learn whether single or married.
Marriage is desirable, but it’s not by any means, my ultimate aspiration. I am God’s, eternally, irrevocably and that’s the only union that matters ultimately. My worth and value are defined by the price paid for me on the cross and that’s where I find fulfilment.
Just as we have different paths to salvation, we also have different paths to marriage, parenthood, education, career achievements etc.There is no single story/timeline for marriage so if you’re waiting, please be encouraged by the response to her query. Find your identity in God and let His unchanging love define you; singleness is a status not your identity. It is not a handicap and doesn’t preclude you from living a rich and full life. Go all carpe diem and enjoy this relatively unencumbered time (1 Corin 7:32); learn a trade, further your education, travel the world, go on mission trips, support a cause, invest in people, cultivate good friendships, learn new languages, take dance classes, learn karate… the options are endless but the one thing you shouldn’t do it park your life around this one issue.
Our times and seasons are in God’s hands and our races are individualised. Don’t expect life to ‘happen’ to you the way it did someone else because you are not that person. From one single lady to another- we have abundant life to be had and enjoyed, regardless of marital status so be intentional about doing just that and don’t refute all God’s mercies and blessings to you on the basis of a single issue.
After that long preamble, see the encouraging excerpt below:
‘My concern is that you’re beginning to believe the lie that says you’ve passed the beacon of viability for being loved. You haven’t…The only way you can truly believe that is by leaning on God and letting His delight, love and pride in you wash over the lies. You have to know that you are wonderful, datable, loveable and (in all probability) nothing about who you are is preventing a good relationship.
What’s preventing it is, well, nothing. God isn’t sitting on a cloud, laughing and saying, “Interminable singleness for Jenna! Nobody will ever love her!” He doesn’t work like that.
What He is doing is crafting a narrative, and letting you in on it a step at a time, which means that right now, your job is to be obedient in doing the things He’s called you to today. Then, trust that if God desires for you to be in a relationship, He’ll make that known. Your age will not prevent Him from working.
In closing, I want to acknowledge that everything I just said in the previous three “God paragraphs” is really hard. Because we, as humans, are designed to be in relationship. It’s a good thing that you want to love someone, and it’s a good affirmation of you that the people who know you best think you’d be a great girlfriend and spouse. But singleness is not easy. And trusting your singleness to God is a battle that can be won or lost many times a day. But it’s a battle worth fighting. Because God has designed you for something, many somethings, and in running toward Him, you’ll cut through the lies and embrace the greatness.‘ The entire article is available at http://goo.gl/GDIb26.
I love how that article ends. I love the truth that “God has designed you for something, many somethings, and in running toward Him, you’ll cut through the lies and embrace the greatness. I also like how Iesha says it “from one single lady to another, we have abundant life to be had and enjoyed, regardless of marital status, so be intentional about doing just that and don’t refute all God’s mercies and blessings to you on the basis of a single issue”. I couldn’t agree more! Life is for the living and should be lived out loud regardless of circumstances.
I intend to keep writing this series called “When, God?”, I would like to tackle and talk about some of the more difficult subjects, like being single, infertility, secondary infertility, being out of work, waiting to be healed… because they are real, and because there is real hope to be found in hearing from people who have conquered what you are struggling with. I have not experienced all of them myself so will be recruiting guest bloggers who care enough to use their pain to help someone heal. If you are that person and want to write on any of these “waiting” topics, please contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org.
Remember to wait with grace. Stay awesome!
Update 26th March 2015
I saw this piece of spoken word poetry by my girl Janette…Ikz, I’ve written about her before on the post called Status of a Different Woman. This poem is fantastic and on being single, please listen and tell me what you think! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs ! Stay awesome!