I listened to discussions based on my last post titled “I cheated and I am sorry”, I read the posts on face book and I felt the pain of the women who responded; all of this got me thinking, do we have our perspectives right? Why does it hurt so much? Is it our focus that is askew? And being a lover of solutions and a greater lover of God, I invite you to walk with me on a journey: let’s try to see marriage through the eyes of God.
Looking at it from a biblical perspective, marriage was the first institution that God created. He created man, gave him a garden to tend, but looked at him and said “it is not good for a man to be alone”; this was the first time in the Bible that God had said something in His creation was not good. It therefore tells me something immediately, that in a marriage any time, your man “is” alone, although, joined; it is not good. So like our Fairy Friend has kindly said, maybe we need to look inwards as wives and create an environment that does not make our husbands “alone”; one where he can tell you the truth and you will know how to handle it and decipher what you can do to strengthen him through the weakness he now faces.
We said a lot about men being selfish and self-centered; while this may seem correct, I dare ask ‘aren’t we all?’ It is a fact that we all instinctively put ourselves first but if we believe in God then we should actually be God centered and view ALL areas of our life through the light of the scripture! So what did God say to man and woman when he joined them; He said “be fruitful, multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion”… He was asking man and woman to do what He had done and continues to do; being fruitful i.e. producing, multiplying- reproducing by creating disciples like you and I; filling the earth, subduing it by taking charge and exercising dominion- rulership! You see, God was serious when He said He created us in His image. He has empowered us to do all that He can do. But notice He did not say that to man alone, but to man and woman together, it then means that as a couple (not that single people are not supposed to do this, but that two are better able to than one) and in a marriage, the focus of your union should be to be fruitful (birth the dreams and purposes of both members), to multiply (have children, help create more Godly homes, multiply God’s purposes on earth…), fill the earth, dominate your environment… this great power of two is evident throughout the scripture “one puts away a thousand, two put away ten thousand”, “if two of you agree on anything on earth, it is agreed in heaven” ( I could do 10 blogs on the power of agreement and not have exhausted it; but to the matter at hand).
When Jesus taught us the Lord’s Prayer, He said “thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven”, meaning that in our homes and our marriages God’s kingdom is meant come, our homes should be like heaven on earth- not in terms of material things or beauty alone, but in terms of love, peace, kindness, forgiveness… Jesus always referred to the church as His bride and it was in making one of such references that it was explained to us that Christ is the head of church, the same way that the husband is head of the wife. Who is the head of Christ? God. Who galvanizes the body i.e. the church? The Holy Spirit. Marriage therefore is an earthly unit where the relationship of the Trinity is replicated. The Bible also says we are to have “godly offspring”, so we have children who will be raised to worship God and fulfill His purpose on earth as well.
Now that we know what we are meant to do through our marriages, the next question is how to get there! As we know, man fell! So the commands God gave, that should have been easy to obey are suddenly very hard because we have now taken on a nature of sin. So yes, your husband or wife may cheat, and yes it hurts, but you the non-cheating party, the one who knows God, should not be self righteous and behave like Jesus died so you would not have pain, after all the bible calls Jesus “a man of many sorrows”, do you want to compare the pain of the cross and of the stripes He got to being cheated on?
I do not know where we get this version of Christianity from; it is certainly not in my Bible! Pain has a purpose, even unjustified pain. The Bible says “our light afflictions work is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison. Paul said he prayed about something once, it did not go, prayed about it twice, it did not go, prayed a third time, it did not go and he thought maybe it is working in him a more godly character. Think about it, all the pressures you have faced in marriage, have they not brought you closer to God? My sister/brother don’t get me wrong, God cares about your suffering and pain, but He cares more about your salvation? Your eternity and if it takes hardship and pain to get you to be more patient, more kind, more compassionate- in other words more like Him- then pain you shall have. Who will honestly say to me, that they do not pray more when they are in adversity than in plenty!
It is the joy of the Lord that is your strength; joy, not happiness. Happiness is based on happenings, joy, transcends events, which is why the Bible says “in everything, give thanks”. So my point is, when we focus on God’s will, some things become petty, we do not fight as much with our husbands because we are aware the weapons of our warfare are not carnal. We do not worry as much because the Bible says if we follow first the kingdom of God, all other things shall be added unto us, including the promise that “God will protect the lot of our ground”. I could go on about our purpose and focus but I have to leave now. I just want to say please pursue God, whose yoke is easy and whose burden is light and do your best within your marriage and then God who “holds the heart of Kings in His hands and turns it wherever He pleases” will turn your husband’s heart towards you, but you’ve got to trust Him enough to face Him and leave Him to change and convict the erring spouse, while you focus on His grace. (To be continued if you want to hear more!).