Ok, this morning I am just kidding around, I have been so frustrated by Lekki traffic that I either make life into a comedy or sink into deep deep depression. I am going to post random thoughts in pidgin so if you are “butti” this is not the post for you. Here goes:
*Na so yesterday as I dey enter church I see one man and im wife them stand for front of church dey talk. I been notice say the woman hold the man for elbow, as people dey pass the two of them go turn smile, then wen the people pass finish them go face each other dey frown. Na im I do like say I wan adjust my shoe. I come hear wetin then dey talk
Wife: Is that really how you feel about me?
Husband: You know it isn’t? I love you baby, can we just go in now?
Wife: No no no, you said I was fat
Husband: I did not say so, I just said it did not fit as usual
Wife: You think you do not have a hand in this? where do you think our children came from?
I see say the husband patience don start to dey finish
Husband: Look, woman, if you did not feel like it didn’t fit well, would you have come to ask me? If you want to know how you look, just look into the mirror now! The last time I said you looked fabulous, you said I was being sarcastic, now I said it doesn’t fit as well and you are about to have an aneurysm, what do you want from me? Better start jogging o!
Na so e pull im hand commot go enter church. My shoe don adjust finish, me sef I enter church go siddon.
* E get this two sisi wen dey my office. Na so so diet I dey hear them talk about. If no be say den dey chop only apple for 3 days, na say den no dey chop carbohydrates, if no be that one na say den dey count glycemic index of the food wen den dey chop. As I dey see them and hear the tin wey den dey talk, na so I just dey chop- I dey try reserve power, for the day wey one of them go faint.
Na so I come work on Monday o!, I ask Sis Clara, “Sisi Clara, where your second dey”, “Oh, she has just been admitted in hospital” she talk am for her Oyibo accent wey I no dey hear well well, that na why I no too like to dey talk to them! but this one I must hear, “wetin do am?” “Oh, she tried the cayenne pepper diet. You know it, don’t you?” She see say my face no register anything, “Well, its the one Beyonce did, she drank cayenne pepper in water for 3 days nothing else and she had to be hospitalised.” “Eya, sorry o! Make you help me greet am o!, This kin wahala wen una dey do, tell am make she no do the one wey no go let am born pickin o!” Hmmmm, I roll my eyes as I dey go, if you see this Sisi Clara second, she be like mosquito, if she carry umbrella for rain, wind fit carry am trowey, I no just understand! I dey go chop eba, with egusi with round about, abodi and shaki. Diet ko? Diet ni?
Ok, I have vented enough. LCC, una no be better people, but my God na better God. Una say una go make life hard, I say how my life dey, no be a matter of the tin wey dey happen for my side na how I choose to interpret them. So you cause 4 hour traffic, I see am as chance to do Praise -30 minutes, Worship-30 minutes, listen to sermon-1 hour, pray for my future (make i get money yanfu yanfu) 1 hour 30 minutes, prayer make LCC own no better- 30 minutes. Lol.
Thanks for reading.
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